According to the proposed criteria I'd make an excellent conservative presidential candidate.
You have a book to sell? Or just a hipster? If you already have a book to sell, I'll sit it out. Otherwise you'll be seeing me in the primaries.
Actually wait.. I should just run as a Dem. If I just broke down how stupid 90% of their policies are, and harmful they are to the groups they ostensibly are to help I might even win the nomination.
As long as I didnt tell anyone what MY policies would actually be anyway.