The KGB Oracle Forums General Public Discussion (SPECIAL) The KGB Back Room Joke Thread

LOL...

lol that was funny.

That was hilarious!!!

Some pretty funny stuff. The first one and last one both made me bust out laughing.

I've got a whole file of funny's my sister in law sends me via email. I'll post some here n there. To start:

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees
a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The
guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened
to this parrot?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually
understood and answered me!'

'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent
thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer
this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden
bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy. '
You really can understand and speak English can't you?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford
that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20;
just make the guy an offer!'

The guy offers $20 and walks out with
the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he
understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is
delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I
should tell you this or not, but
it's about your wife and the UPS man..'

'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the
door
in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and
began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'

'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and
began to kiss her all over....'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and
fell off my perch!'

roflmao

A few Jokes

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made
a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Marge. She was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete. So .. she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets! Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Marge when she's been drinking."






An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!

This one is corny, but I like it.

Why do seaguls fly over the sea?
Cause if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels...

LOL thats cute

Hehe still funny!

More jokes peops - more jokes - this is good stuff.