The KGB Oracle Forums General Public Discussion (SPECIAL) The KGB Back Room Joke Thread

So seeing as how we don't have a steady joke thread yet I thought we could kick one off.

Only in Texas my friends ... Only in Texas ...

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says,' License and registration, please..'

'What for?' says the lawyer..

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'


'You still didn't come to a complete stop,' says the deputy.. 'License and registration, please'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is that you have to come to complete stop. That's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy says..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the s**t out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop or just slow down?'

lol

Now that's funny I don't care who you are.

Great Joke, Donk.

I'll get warmed up with an oldy, but a goodie:

Two Bulls, a young bull and an older bull, are on top of a hill, overlooking a field full of cows. The young bull turns to the older bull and says,

"Hey, let's run down there and fuck one of those cows."

The older bull turns to the young bull and replies,

"Nah. Let's walk down there and fuck 'em all."

lol

Here's one I thought was pretty funny:

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

NICE!

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs and into the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up the hacksaw. The husband, terrified, screamed "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I am going to set the garage on fire."


That one puts me in the mood to go see SAW 6

Okay one more - I learned this one at bible camp when I was like 12 lol.

A mom goes into a meat shop and asks what the special is. The Butcher says we have some damn ham on sale today. She looks at him in disgust and says don't say that I am Christian! The butcher says no that is what it is called, Damn ham. She says oh okay and buys some.

She goes home and the husband says honey, what is for dinner? She says some damn ham. He looks at her and says honey do not say that we are Christian! She says no that is what it is called, damn ham

So they are sitting at the dinner table with the whole family and the husband says to the wife - honey can you pass me the damn ham. Then the 8 year old pipes up and goes - That's the spirit dad! Pass the fu@king potatoes!

lol good ones vyse

STUD ROOSTER
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.

They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking
And running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit......
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'



Moral of this
Story? ....

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

Always overcome youth and arrogance!

OLD DUDES RULE !!!!!