So seeing as how we don't have a steady joke thread yet I thought we could kick one off.

Only in Texas my friends ... Only in Texas ...

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says,' License and registration, please..'

'What for?' says the lawyer..

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'


'You still didn't come to a complete stop,' says the deputy.. 'License and registration, please'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is that you have to come to complete stop. That's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy says..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the s**t out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop or just slow down?'

lol

Now that's funny I don't care who you are.

Great Joke, Donk.

I'll get warmed up with an oldy, but a goodie:

Two Bulls, a young bull and an older bull, are on top of a hill, overlooking a field full of cows. The young bull turns to the older bull and says,

"Hey, let's run down there and fuck one of those cows."

The older bull turns to the young bull and replies,

"Nah. Let's walk down there and fuck 'em all."

lol

Here's one I thought was pretty funny:

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

NICE!

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs and into the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up the hacksaw. The husband, terrified, screamed "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I am going to set the garage on fire."


That one puts me in the mood to go see SAW 6

Okay one more - I learned this one at bible camp when I was like 12 lol.

A mom goes into a meat shop and asks what the special is. The Butcher says we have some damn ham on sale today. She looks at him in disgust and says don't say that I am Christian! The butcher says no that is what it is called, Damn ham. She says oh okay and buys some.

She goes home and the husband says honey, what is for dinner? She says some damn ham. He looks at her and says honey do not say that we are Christian! She says no that is what it is called, damn ham

So they are sitting at the dinner table with the whole family and the husband says to the wife - honey can you pass me the damn ham. Then the 8 year old pipes up and goes - That's the spirit dad! Pass the fu@king potatoes!

lol good ones vyse

STUD ROOSTER
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.

They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking
And running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit......
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'



Moral of this
Story? ....

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

Always overcome youth and arrogance!

OLD DUDES RULE !!!!!

New Seat Belt law











This becomes effective April 1, 2010.


The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive
testing on a newly designed seat belt.
Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95%
when the belt is properly installed.


Correct Installation is illustrated below.......

Please pass on to family and friends.
THIS MAY HELP SAVE A LIFE!

[img]http://65.55.40.119/att/GetAttachment.aspx?file=372212a1-50d4-4183-8375-ac177b72b4d1.gif&ct=aW1hZ2UvZ2lm&name=aW1hZ2UwMDExLmdpZg_3d_3d&inline=1&rfc=0&empty=False&imgsrc=cid%3a1.2118551622%40web39508.mail.mud.yahoo.com&msgHash=ffffffffffffffff&hm__login=jaysdawg&hm__domain=live.com&ip=10.12.152.8&d=d6077&mf=0&hm__ts=Sat%2c%2014%20Nov%202009%2021%3a37%3a00%20GMT&sc=20J4Zp4uqEi2HXlj!7yuf6H6pnimNtXLwHyGglR8Zk8MCye8kJ6k2HvKa1Q8ieDyQ*u1ReLI05hn4gJH3IiNtRosw5des5jkBA1kH!X4!HlC7T3FmHu6FebwxtSHo!bQxwrT1MDCbgZbJ*zb3Z6U2jUxKFfhfx9yeWvIu2*nXrjnh38dRDPlhUjPT*vwzMmHXrMJBa*vwJBu8jveKNeoWSk*7bcljIULJ6lGfRANBhyD3fu9PBzoI!J9x1GMOb1F12uvJFU8KxN62GBGaAoLYR61oUD3aYJPKELg9DF5h9Zt25TlPEkFBkpihVY2BFz4bomfsUpbXPdEy*4LbbQyEiIDhtKbzq5V30SiOLiyMgk99jMPLbkOo0TdmK2bAMscPl&hm__ha=01_1a033168131e0c1c522fc485dac5dbf7f974ff6b50f75ed312bb0380f85abce8&oneredir=1[/img]






This can really save lives and lower blood pressure by 40%

ROFLMAO!

Now that is hilarious.

it was pretty funny.

Hey! Just because I'm behind on my reading doesnt mean you get to make fun of me!

heheh that was funny too

Now that is hilarious.

------------

And the joke about Brown or Pink? Also hilarious, although I don't discriminate between a woman's brown or pink, as long as I'm in her.

A guy calls a company and
orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.


The next day, there's a knock on the door and there
stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe
dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a
sign around her neck.


She introduces herself as a representative of the weight
loss company.

The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have
me.'


Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few
miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up..


The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same
thing happens. On the
fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he
has lost 10 lbs. as promised.


He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
program.


The next day there's a knock at the door and there
stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever
seen in his life.. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running
shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you
catch me you can have me'.


Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This
girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such
luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens
with him gradually getting in better and better
shape.


Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs
himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs.
as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the
company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the
phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'


'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt
this good in years.'


The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he
opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing
nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck
that reads, 'If I catch you, your ass is mine.'


He lost 63 pounds that week.

Now that is hilarious.

LOL...

lol that was funny.

That was hilarious!!!

Some pretty funny stuff. The first one and last one both made me bust out laughing.

I've got a whole file of funny's my sister in law sends me via email. I'll post some here n there. To start:

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees
a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The
guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened
to this parrot?'

The parrot says, 'I was born this way.
I'm a defective parrot.'

'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually
understood and answered me!'

'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent
thoroughly educated bird'

'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer
this -- how do you hang onto your
perch without any feet?'

'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing but since you asked,
I wrap my weenie around this wooden
bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'

'Wow,' says the guy. '
You really can understand and speak English can't you?'

'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with
reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,
physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.. You really
ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford
that.'

'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody
wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20;
just make the guy an offer!'

The guy offers $20 and walks out with
the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational.
He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he
understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is
delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes,
'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I
should tell you this or not, but
it's about your wife and the UPS man..'

'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.

'When the UPS man delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the
door
in a sheer black nightie.'

'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?'

'Well, then the UPS man came into the house and lifted up her nightie and
began petting her all over,' reported the parrot.

'NO!' he exclaims. 'And she let him?'

'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees and
began to kiss her all over....'

Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'

'Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and
fell off my perch!'

roflmao

A few Jokes

A teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Kathy said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the pickup when we hit a bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made
a mess." "And what's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!" "Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Lucy raised a hand and said, "Our family are farmers, too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks and the moral to this story is, don't count your chickens until they're hatched." "That was a fine story Lucy. Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, ma'am! My daddy told me this story about my Aunt Marge. She was a flight engineer during Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a Machete. So .. she drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. Then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed 70 of them with the machine gun until it ran out of bullets! Then she killed 20 more with the machete till the blade broke; then she killed the last 10 with her bare hands." "Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?" "Stay away from Aunt Marge when she's been drinking."






An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back forty, had it fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was fixed for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond, I only came to feed my alligators." Old age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill every time!

This one is corny, but I like it.

Why do seaguls fly over the sea?
Cause if they flew over the bay they would be called bagels...

LOL thats cute

Hehe still funny!

More jokes peops - more jokes - this is good stuff.

Agreed.
Keep up the momentum!

I have lots more as I get emailed them often lol. I just didnt want to be the one taking over the thred posting them lol

Bah humbug - if they are good....take over the thread by all means.

Blargh! I just spent 30 mins adding all this and my browser crashed so this is attempt 2! LOL hope you enjoy!

---------------------------------------------------------------

World's First Guy to Guy tip:



--------------------------------------------------------------

Now remember it's only water, but the poor people floating down the river don't know that.

Click the pic below to watch the short vid!



--------------------------------------------------------------

A Must Have Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe!

Ingredients:
1 whole turkey
1 large lemon, cut into halves
salt and pepper to taste
butter or olive oil, whichever you prefer

Heat oven to 350 degrees

Rub butter or oil over the skin of the turkey until it is completely coated.

Sprinkle with salt and pepper and any other seasonings you prefer.

Take a knife and gently separate the skin from the breast meat;

Slide lemon halves under the skin with the peel side up, one on

each side. This way the juice from the lemon will release into the breasts.


Cover and bake for 30-45 minutes. Remove cover and continue

to roast until juices run clear, basting every 15-20 minutes.


If you've followed these steps correctly, your turkey should

look like the one in the picture.

Bon Appetit!



(ps its a great way to have new in laws talkin forever! lol)

---------------------------------------------------------------

A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature and held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly..


In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow-driving habits. 'I can't stand it anymore,' she told him. 'Let's

play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.

* He reached the 65 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.

* At 70 off came the pants.

* At 75 it was her bra...and

* At 80 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time...and traveling faster than he ever had before...he became very excited and lost control of the car.

He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree!

His girlfriend was not hurt, but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck. 'Go to the road and get help,' he said.

'I don't have anything to cover myself with!' she replied.

The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes.

'You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,' he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled

over to hear her story.

'My boyfriend! My boyfriend!' she sobs, 'He's stuck and I can't pull him out!'

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies,'Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!'

---------------------------------------------------------------

A boss wondered one day why one of his absent and most valued employees had not phoned in.. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "


"Is your daddy home?" he asked.


" Yes ," whispered the small voice.


"May I talk with him?"


The child whispered, " No ."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

" Yes .."


"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, " No ."


Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

" Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".


Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"


" No, he's busy ", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"


" Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the ear piece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

" A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"



Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."

---------------------------------------------------------------

INNOCENCE IS PRICELESS


One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, 'Good morning Alex.'

'Good morning Pastor,' he replied, still focused on the plaque. 'Pastor, what is this? '
The pastor said, 'Well son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service . Soberly, they just stood
together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,


"Which service...the 8:30 or the 11:00?"
---------------------------------------------------------------

Ok thats all for now, I got lots lots more if you guys liked those ones. Come on now some other people gotta post some!

Dang figured servers would be back up by now >.< So I guess I'll pull up some more while I wait!

Are You Cuckoo?
>
>
> Why women should avoid girls' nights out after they are married...
>
>
> The other night I was invited out for a night with 'the girls.' I told my
> husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
> Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy.
>
>
>
> Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door,
> the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.
> Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
> nine times.
>
>
>
> I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
> solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
>
> Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12
> cuckoos = (MIDNIGHT!)
>
> The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him
> 'Midnight' He didn't seem angry at all.
> Whew! Got away with that one! Then he said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'
> When I asked him why he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three
> times, then said, 'Oh sh*t', cuckooed four more times, cleared it's throat,
> cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped
> over the coffee table and farted.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Circumcised (this is priceless!)

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

'I thought I told you to call your mom!' she said. 'I did,' he said, 'And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.'

KIDS ; DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THEM..
---------------------------------------------------------------

How come when you mix water
and flour together


you get glue?..


and then you add eggs
and sugar...

and you get cake?


Where did the glue go ?


NEED AN ANSWER?


You know dammed well where it went!


That's what makes the cake

Stick to your ass
---------------------------------------------------------------
A teacher in a Detroit , Michigan elementary school asked her students if they could tell the class what sound a pig makes.

Little Tyrone stood up and said:

"Up against the wall mother fucker!"

I guess there's not to many farms in Detroit ....


--------------------------------------------------------------


BEWARE OF THAT UNDERWEAR DUST!!!!!!


One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the heck is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !


--------------------------------------------------------------

Life really boils down
to 2 questions...




1. Should I get a dog.....?



OR...

2. Should I have children?


Now that I made you smile,
pass it on to someone else
who needs a laugh today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just to let you know
I'm thinking of you today.

No matter what situations life throws at you...

No matter how long and treacherous your journey may seem..

Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You're laughing aren't you?
That's good 'cause my job here is done!

Have a great day and remember to give thanks....


Cats are so dramatic!!
---------------------------------------------------------------


Well thats way more than enough for today and the dang servers still arent up! Whats taking them so long today?!

lol good ones. I have seen a few of those before but most of them were new to me. Good way to start the day.

I dunno if you guys ever go here but check out www.failblog.org lot's of funny crap. I usually start my morning there.

A Montana rancher got in his pickup
and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door.

A young boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?" the rancher asked.

"No sir, he isn't," the boy replied.
"He went into town."

"Well," said the rancher, "Is your
Mother here?"

"No sir, she's not here either. She
went into town with Dad."

"How about your brother, Howard? Is
he here?"

"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."

The rancher stood there for a few
minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"
the boy asked politely. "I know where all the tools are, if you want
to borrow one. Or maybe I could take a message for Dad."

"Well," said the rancher
uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your
brother Howard getting my daughter, Jasmine, pregnant."'

The boy considered for a moment.
"You would have to talk to Pa about that," he finally conceded. "If
it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50
for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets for Howard."

You may have to be from the country to get that, but I think its HILARIOUS!!

Apparantly lol

ROFLMAO

Golf Anyone ??

http://www.atom.com/fun_games/tiger_woods_defense/?xrs=eml_121709

*CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!' *

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'

The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me Sex. That Makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.'

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what You say and I feel Great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house'

Figured this could use a bumpy!




Who's the guilty one here? Wife is dreaming then wakes up and shouts, "Quick my husband's back!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window!

YEAH! lmao

LOL

Thats Right

A cop pulls over a car for doing 55 in a 35 mph school zone
He walks up to the drivers window and pulls out his night stick and taps on the window He tells the driver to roll down the window The driver rolls it down real slowly The cop reaches in and whacks the driver across the face with the night stick He writes the driver a ticket and hits him agaian across the face and tells him not to speed again The cop then walks to the passenger side taps on the window and tells him to roll down the window. He rolls down the window real fast The cop reaches in and knocks the hell out of the passenger The guy asks the cop why did you do that The cop said I was granting your wish The passenger said what wish? The cop said I know when you get a 1/2 mile down the road you'd say I wish thaat son of a bitch would have hit me

Difference between potentially and realistically.

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

The girl replied, "Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt! I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"

"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know what a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad.

His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?"

The boy replied, "Yes, 'potentially', you and I are sitting on three million dollars.

But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer."

LOL val I like that one!