O.k Folks I've managed to back myself into a corner here
first things first the players in this little problem
Me
Roommate
Roommate's Boyfriend
Credit Card
Recently I just got the net back to rejoin you all (was saving up for a new computer until about 8 this morn my time) When Shit finally hit the fan, Roommate's Boyfriend doesn't seem to have a job nor pay rent (Fun...Fun...)
Now Prior Before she met this Jobless bum, We both applied for credit cards thinking "Hey Why not?", and she got her credit card faster than I did, and of course blew her cheque three times as fast (Gotta love money management skills), Keep in mind our running bills are usually 1,200-1,400 (Rent included) And she makes about 21,000 Pre-tax (820 for all you bad math nubs) while I make 26,000 (1,000) from what i've been hearing after she blew her cheque she was using her credit card.
So Now I'm in a very fickle bind, on one hand I consider the roommate a friend, but on the other hand I really don't want to be broke while paying off for three people (I just left that situation) So, do I tough it out until Ledcore (Fort Mac for denna/arc) Returns my app (Garentee'd job works out to about 60,000-70,000 I know I screw'd up on the math) or do I get the hell out of this sinking ship?
Jump ship darlin. If you pay it once alone then you will continue doing so. You can insist to your friend that her boyfriend moves out especially since she isnt gonna pay rent, but that still leaves you with not only the whole rent payment and bills but a butt-hurt friend. Explain to her that you don't want to be responsible for her money mis-managment and if she is truely your friend she will understand that.
Get out ASAP!
My advice to everyone is this: Don't make plans that depend on other people unless you're able to deal with them not living up to their end of the plan.
Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and cut loose the dead weight.
First I will give you the serious response and then I'll give you something along the lines of the not so serious response. This is so you don't consider the idea that your situation only needs a half hearted response which it doesn't because I'm sure its plagueing the crap out of you.
Philosophical Idea:(Note spelling)
At this point, you've probably already done alot of thinking and with speculation comes alot of forseen painful endevaours and with that, anxiety at the coming trials and tribulations. But you have to think about what you really want to do. Measure yourself. Focus on all the previous problems you have had in your life and decide if you have been strong during those times. If you determine that you have the strength to stand up and help your friend in her time of need(hopefully this is the first time that this has happened to her)then be there for her, when her boyfriend obviously was not. It's a shame that a great percentage of America has found ways to live without working but thats for another story. Her boyfriend most likely wants to piggy back ride her finances which in this case means your finances spelledbackwards. Or he truly cares for her. Slim chance of that. Theres also some other factor we arn't taking into account because of lack of information. Anyway, if you decide you truly have the strength, determination and fortitude(which really they all mean the same thing) then tell youll friend youll help her get back on her feet. Maybe she slipped. People many times misunderstand credit cards, believing that they are free money and are unaware that credit card companies bank on this idea to make money, simply because it isn't. However if you find that you do not have the strength for this then do not do it. And it's okay because that's normal. It's normal for the limits of some people to be different from others. It isn't something you should blame yourself for because it's not something you can control to a certain extent. If you really wish to care for your friend and you do not know exactly how far you are willing to go for her then the most resopnsible thing you can do is find out and determine for yourself where your strength lies. Because if you rush this and decide to gun-ho your patience and try to help her when you really do not want to. You will hurt her more when you blow up in her face and yell her problems to her then when you tell her you want to get out of this situation because you don't want to see her this way. It is possible that she might not like you very much after you leave her alone with her problems but it all depends on her level of maturity and ability of forsight. Right now the best thing you can do is look within yourself and find out what it is that you want to do for her. I commend you if you decide to help her and I commend you if you decide to sum up the courage to tell her you want to get out before you hurt her more. I hope things turn for the better for you. If you think things through, they usually do.
Not so serious idea;
Profess your love for the girl if your not already hitched. This will invovle a serious confrontation with her, and her boyfriend. Devise a plan where you get rid of the boyfriend because he finds both of you in bed. If you have too many childhood memories with her. Then profess your love for her boyfriend this will most likely result in them moving out, in which case you can find another hawt sexy friend to live with. Or youll get socked in the face. If nothing works abandon all your responsibilities and let them pick up the slack.
get out, are you guys sharing the credit card? Sadly you are both responsible for that and you won't want to mess up your credit.
Get out man. I've been there myself. Twice. I thought it might be different the second time, but it wasn't. Sadly alot of people will take advantage of other peoples kindness. If you don't wanna just bail out on your friend,(which is commendable) tell her that he's gotta start paying his share or get out. Boyfriend or not, no free rides, especialy if this guy might end up just leachin on ya both and running out while yall are stuck with the check.
If she's not gonna boot his ass out, then you're gonna have to either tell her you're not gonna do this and you'll move out. Or do what I did in my second situation, just up and leave at 4 in the morning and leave ungratefull friends to deal with thier own crap.
But if your roommate is a good friend of yours, try talking to her alone and outta the appartment about the situation and the delema you're having over it. If your roommate is really a friend, then they should understand and respect your for coming to them and talking about it logicaly. If they flipsh!t.... then they're not as good a friend as you thought and you might be in over your head.
Another option you might want to look into. Call the credit card company and see if you can get your cards put to separate accounts. This will help you out especialy if she flips out or worse yet, boyfriends a thief steals her card and runs you up a huge ass bill for his new HD LCD tv.
Quote:
get out, are you guys sharing the credit card? Sadly you are both responsible for that and you won't want to mess up your credit.
we applied for separate cards Elph,no way am I letting someone into my bank account, To many things can go wrong (RSPS,Insurance,Investing blah blah blah)
Now onto what I did, First off I am no Fool, Before I talked to her about this I made certain I had another way out. (Talked to my Cousin who currently works in NWT and agreed if shit gets outta hand I can crash at his place as long as I pay up the 750/ month)
I sat her down last night (or rather we talked about it after I woke up from being passed out gotta love switching day's and nights) and told her unless shit starts changing financially on her end, I would be gone in the middle of the night no problem, apparently one of my co-workers was a dick about the situation (How he found out is beyond me.So I'm going to get the joy of pimp slapping him on Thursday when we Work together) The Gist of it is she agreed to it, and she knows despite the amount of things I own she would be hooped if I left
Edit:
Thanks to all For the Advice you all gave, in the end it became an algamation of the Advice
Rather then, making a new thread Ive also Decided to improve
my own life by starting to work out anyone happen to have a URL to some Guides for Nutrition and the like?
I'm glad she agreed to things, I hope they all work out for ya.
sadly, I don't know anything much having to do with being healthy.
You don't really need a guide for eating healthy, if you're trying to lose weight you should watch your calories and fats, while making sure you hit up the entire food pyramid, with the exception of the top. If you're just trying to be a healthier person, you hardly have to watch the calories, just make sure to follow the food pyramid while you watch your fat intake. Oh, and don't "go on a diet". If you plan on changing your eating habits, change them permanently. If you aren't looking at a permanent change, you'll just gain back any weight lost when you're finally satisfied with your weight and start chugging beers again. So diets are bad, eating healthy is good, and I promote exercise of any kind (especially fun stuff like climbing mountains and kayaking in the summer and skiing in the winter, lifting weights is dull!)
i promote exercise too like fighting clowns in the dessert or riding roller coasters with a seat belt made of cotton candy. But I wish the best for ya ralphe the fact that you struggled with this to determine thee best intrest and not just your own, accordingly to your own perspective, says alot.
Glad to see that you have gotten that situation worked out. My eldest daughter tried something like this and it turned into a mess that took her awhile and some wailing and gnashing of teeth to resolve...
As for part 2 I would suggest considering it what I call a "Life Style change"... eating right is definitely part of the equation but also do not always deny yourself that occasional cookie or other treat you like. But with that said a balanced diet is only part of the equation. Aerobic activity is also important, how you do it is strictly up to you (hiking, bike riding, running). But also consider weight lifting which brings benefits that a lot of folks do not consider... first with more muscle you will have a higher resting metabolic rate (more muscle means burning more calories) so it makes it easier to lose/maintain weight... you will also naturally have more strength which will make tons of stuff easier to do... done correctly it is good for joints and bones and you learn a lot about your body structure. It is important to be careful when lifting/exercising to protect against injuries so if you are new to the whole workout scene start slow, light, always use correct form and stretch out before, during, and after working out... keep flexible. Feel free to ask any questions you have or pm if you like.
you sould talk to ryu he has lost over 150lbs. Eating healthy was a big part of it, he does the gym thing but just being active is the goal to exercise.
Body for life has worked really well for alot of my friends in losing wieght and mainting the weight lost. And start working out!!
Complete diet/exercise advice is too lengthy of a topic to spit out here but others have given good advice already here so i'll just add general advice here, feel free to PM me with questions.
Body Mass Index is a decent tool to use in finding out how much you should weigh. Just do a google search for "BMI" and you'll find endless sites with a BMI calculator on it. Typically the only time the calculator is off is if you have alot of muscle mass on you which means you're someone who lifts weights 5+ days a week, week after week and you train for mass.
If you see that you're 20+ lbs overweight then i'd suggest focusing on just losing weight at first, then once close to your proper weight adjust your focus to muscle building as well as fat loss.
Losing weight is calorie reduction, pills/supplements dont come near to producing the results you can get simply by truly reducing your caloric intake the old fashion way... skipping meals or turning a meal you'd normally have into instead just a protein shake. Judging by your previous messages you dont have the money to blow on supplements anyway. It's a multi-million dollar industry, lots of misleading marketing and fake claims, even if you had the money i'd still suggest limiting supplement use.
I'll end with my friend's example of dieting which worked for him, you can follow it if you wish or just take it as evidence that even one as drastic as his works and can be maintained.
For Breakfast and Lunch he ate only 2 whole boiled eggs (or fry them if you wish) and water or some other zero calorie drink.
Dinner was a medium sized salad with 8oz chicken breast. No salad dressing (30 calorie or less salad dressing could be used if you must)
That's it, he did that for two months straight day after day. 1st month he lost around 20lbs and second month he lost around 15lbs. He never went to the gym during this time.
That's alot of money saved on food with a diet like that, LOL. You eat like that for two months and your reward will be having the money to play the newest MMO's (AOC and DF!)
I personally wanted to trim about 5% bodyfat off of me when i'm already in great shape but the same sort of tactic works still. I've turned my breakfast and lunch into very small meals and or just a protein shake and then my dinner is large and I drink two protein shakes at other times during the day. The big dinner and shakes are because I work out daily and want to build muscle while losing fat. Been doing it for a week and i'm liking the results and I don't feel that hungry.