The KGB Oracle Forums General Public Discussion (PUBLIC) The Pub Official game forums are hazardous to your fun!

This article from "Wired" news is dead on. It has many of the reasons that I don't frequent the official forums for the games that I play!

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"Complainers of the World Unite"
By Lore Sjöberg

If you play an online game that you enjoy, there's one surefire way to spoil the experience: read the forums on the official site. There you will find a vast underworld of lost souls keening their misery onto your screen. A game you thought was entertaining, well-balanced and attractive will be torn apart before your very eyes and pronounced lacking in every conceivable way.

It doesn't matter that the complainers spend as much time on the game as you do, and probably more. While they may disagree on the nature of the flaws, they are united in agreement that whatever those flaws may be, they are unforgivable.

Herewith then, a guide to the deranged, degraded inhabitants of the forums. You cannot defeat them, they provide precious little experience, but if they get their claws on you, they may turn you into one of their own.

The Power Craver
Wants only one thing -- more power with less effort. Any downgrade in power is infuriating. Any upgrade is insufficient.

Sample Quote: "I can't believe they nerfed the pillar of lava spell! How am I supposed to kill twelve ogres at once now?"

Punishment: Forced to admit that no matter how powerful in the game, still works as a cashier at Kroger in real life.

The Magical Realist
Doesn't understand what a "game" is. Constantly makes arguments based on what would be "realistic," even if the game is set in a fantasy world run by wizards and pixies.

Sample Quote: "You can't tell me a Mondlagarian Tiger Warrior is stronger than a Swamp Troll. That just doesn't make sense!"

Punishment: Sent back to kindergarten for remedial make-believe classes.

The Majority Stockholder
Seems to believe that $15 a month buys you a seat on the board of directors. Doesn't realize that a hundred thousand other people are ponying up the same amount.

Sample Quote: "I've e-mailed the developers several times telling them that Fire Paladins should have the axe-throwing skill. They haven't changed it, but they're still taking my money!."

Punishment: Forced to work customer service for an online game company.

The Emancipator
Sees the game as a titanic struggle between the evil expressive developers and the poor, downtrodden gamers. The evidence? Every rule and limitation in the game.

Sample Quote: "I don't see why I have to complete quests to get epic weapons! If I want my second-level Bumblefur Bard to wield the Deathsword of Arat'rak'k'k'k, that's my right! Quit telling me how to play!"

Punishment: Sent to Sudan to experience first-hand what oppression actually feels like.

The Eternal Quitter
Just comes on the forum to let everyone know he's quitting for good and to spend a dozen paragraphs explaining why. Then does it again three months later.

Sample Quote: "For real, this time."

Punishment: Forced to actually quit.

One-Issue Poster
Only has one complaint, but posts about it 15 times a day. This is because nobody else cares.

Sample Quote: "THE LAVENDER STARBELT IS ACTUALLY PERIWINKLE!!!! WHY DON'T THEY FIX THIS??!!!?!"

Punishment: Lavender Starbelt changed to lilac.

The Lifestyler
Wants a bunch of cosmetic changes to a single type of character. Exhibits an eerie level of identification with said character.

Sample Quote: "The Pastry Elves' laugh should be less bubbly and more tinkly. Our giggle should remind you of gazing at the stars as a child, and our smile should make you think of the taste of honey on a cool spring morning."

Punishment: Character icon replaced with accurate photograph of self.

The Deathmonger
Main complaint about the game is that you can't kill everything. Secondary complaint is that the things you can kill don't suffer enough.

Sample Quote: "Why can't I make the baker watch me kill his wife and child, then force-feed their flesh to him until his stomach bursts? What is this, Barbie's Horse Adventure?"

Punishment: To be determined, pending DNA analysis of freezer contents.

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I agree on all of those but the realist. Most of those 'pet peeve' type comments about realism stem from what links the fantasy game with the fantasy novel (sci-fi too) where you must either adhere to the physical laws that govern our own universe (where a like scenario could exist in our world) or you state up front and early on that the rules we know do not exist in the same form in this fantasy place. This is a staple of fantasy writing to suspend disbelief, and I think the same can be said of fantasy games.

One good example: Arrows do not fly around corners. They shouldn't in any game. If they do, please make them something other than arrows. Don't ruin the immersion.

I'm insanely sick of 'It's a game!' as a counter-argument. The possibility for slippery slope with that argument is huge.

All the other ones are hillarious. lol Especially the first one.

I about wet my pants laughing at this. HILARIOUS! PS... (laughing outloud in a starbucks will draw strange stares...no I didn't loose my mind to the mocha monkeys so point those ojos somewhere else!)

Really good, comical read.

I started up Shadowbane again...oh about 10 months ago. Then I spent a couple hours reading the SB forums and promptly decided to quit the game. I felt like I was about to re-enter a hack N Slash RPG world that was no longer based on character development, PVP, and Kingdom-building; but rather, one based on WWE, only with people that had even worse acting and absolutely no Mic skillz.

deathmonger 4tw!

I had the biggest lol on the Eternal Quitters. I hated reading those fucking posts on the SB forums.

It's best to just not even read them. If a game is out that KGB is fully into then all your free time should be spent in game advancing yourself and the guild. It's pointless and fruitless to spend even 30 minutes on a game forum; you can tell everyone your guild is the best a hundred times but it wont make us any better unless we're actually wrecking shop in-game.

I've never been an active poster on any game forum during any time other than pre-beta and beta. Once you can actually get in game, might as well be in there doing your shit talking.

To quote my man Miyomato Musashi from his book "The Book Of Five Rings"...

"Those who have missed the mark may chatter all day long about this and that, but they have never done anything. Anyone can make a good argument, but few can show good results."

That's exactly my take on it, and seeing how so many people in every guild were doing that crap on the forums, including KGB, it made me feel like it was just a waste of time.

Leave the forum politics to Jetstar.

If we have people assigned the job of propaganda spreader and such then yeah, those guys are helping us out with their forum trolling.

I used to feel the same way about reading official boards, but I think I've grown a thick skin towards the whining. It never really gets me down.

Lots of good info on the official boards usually, although you have to filter the crap out. lol